Homesick....

It has been almost 5 weeks since we left home. The 'holiday' feeling had dissipated like smoke and homesickness set in hard as reality reared its ugly head at me, taunting me. Especially when I'm all alone in the hotel room (as Gary had to attend a biz dinner), and Sabbath started.  

And all of a sudden, I felt really lost. What am I doing here and what can I do for the next 3 years in a place which is not home, and where you hear plenty of horror stories about - robberies, questionable hospital practices, sanitation issues, water issues, etc. 

Gone is the security that I had taken for granted back home; gone is the freedom to return home late as the streets are not safe, even if you are not alone; gone is the feeling of bliss as I return home to familiar faces that I call my family, gone is the familiar fellowship as I stepped into church and I know practically everyone and vice versa, etc... The endless, depressing thoughts just went on and on in my head. 

People joked that it's gonna be a tai-tai life, but I hoped not. I want to feel useful and purposeful, not getting your hair and nails done, playing mahjong and having tea/coffee everyday (Of course an occasional pampering treat sounds divine). But what can I really do here? Do I want to get a job here? Do I want to volunteer? What kind of job? Where to volunteer? It must be the book that I'm reading that's filling my head with all these thoughts: "Cure for the Common Life - Living in your Sweet Spot'.

I have to admit though, that the sudden barrage of thoughts is not unwelcome. It helps me to think hard questions. And just to put the record straight, I'm confident of adjusting to life here. It's just ..... harder in the initial stages, especially when Gary's not around (like away on biz trips) and the apartment is not ready yet, and being in a hotel room for way too long, I worry a lot more.

Well, I guess 'loneliness' will become a really close friend of mine....